he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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