I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
