Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need a beard to bite.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
