Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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