And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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