so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
