I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
