dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
