Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
