I think my vagina is haunted
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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