I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
