For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
