im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
