Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
