Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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