I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
