Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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