i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
