Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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