The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
