Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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