We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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