like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
