Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize