i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
