ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
