am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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