Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
