Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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