watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
