That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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