You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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