good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
