I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
