Sry I called you an 8
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
