fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
