Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
