Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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