careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
