my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize