making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
