I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
