Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
