Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
