I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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