We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
