If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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