Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
