He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
