After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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