I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
