sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
