morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
