Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
