Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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