We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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