Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
