I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
