what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
