I can tuck mytits in my pants
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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