South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
And then he peed in my hair
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